Newlywed Chronicles: What I’ve Learned Our First 3 Months of Marriage


It’s our Anniversary! Ok, sort of. It’s our 3 Month Anniversary. Yes, we are one of those couples.

The past 3 months have been the most exciting, reflective, and growth-filled months of my life thus far, and from what I’ve heard, we only have more growing and learning to do. For today’s post, I wanted to share three things I’ve learned in the first three months of marriage. Partially for myself to look back on, but also to share with you! I was going to title this blog “Tips for Newlyweds” but I don’t feel like I know enough for that yet. Maybe we’ll revisit that for year ten. For now, I’ll share three things I’ve learned that have helped me tremendously.

There is no such thing as “wife-mode

This was a shock to me. I swore that after we said “I do” I would automatically know how to cook my man a meal-three times a day, love doing twice as much laundry, and be an attentive listener at all times. Looking back? That’s laughable. The truth is, there is no such thing as “wife-mode”. Like, what in the patriarchy? 
 
There’s actually a learning curve. Every married woman I’ve consulted while I was filled with a crippling fear of inadequacy told me the same thing. “It’s okay, you’ll get the hang of being married. And, it won’t look like everyone else’s marriage. Don’t compare.” Marriage isn’t one size fits all, and there’s no template to follow. You’re supposed to do what works for you. The past three months Jake and I have dissected my “wife-mode” theory a bit and rebuilt it to work for us- several times. 

For example, month one I wanted to cook everything- I ended up being exhausted from burning food all day. Realistically, cooking all day left me grumpy and too tired to chat when Jake got home. So, month two we traded off in the kitchen and cooked together more often. That right there… leaves me swooning and jolly. Y’all ever watched a man chop fresh veggies?! – wow. 

The bottom line here is this, if you’re not Ayesha Curry year one then, it’s okay. You and your partner have to find what works for both of you. I’m don’t want to cook three meals a day. Maybe that will change maybe it won’t, but we’ve found something that works for us right now and that’s what it’s about. 

Be Transparent About Expectations

Jake’s parents suggested we review expectations before we got married. We thought we did this in premarital. All along, premarital was a precursor to that forever discussion. When we heard discuss expectations I thought we needed to discuss things like, 

How many vacations do we want to take a year? 

Who will decorate the house? 

How often should we have company over? 

How often do you want _________ (insert whatever….)?

That’s not what needed to happen. It’s the little things y’all. Like,

Who is my body pillow really for?

How much money can I spend at Target?

Where do I put my feet if they’re cold while I’m sleeping?

How often do you/I need alone time? 

How many dates do we go on per month? 

What’s your expected bedtime? 

The list goes on and on friends, think of things that are cute and endearing now that will get real-life annoying in a few months and establish boundaries and expectations around them as soon as you can. Now, Jake and I talk about expectations a lot- it’s hilarious and helpful. Chances are, your partner is not a mind reader, go ahead and let them know exactly what you expect and find out exactly what they expect. 

Have Fun

Life is so much more fun when we are laughing about every little thing. Burnt dinner can either look like wasted groceries or an opportunity to try new take out. One of my favorite things about my husband is his ability to take the things that make me want to cry and turn them around until I giggle about it. Thankfully that lightness about life has rubbed off on me a bit. When we choose to look at the glass half full nine times out of ten I’m just grateful to be standing, sitting, or lying next to the man of my dreams and my real-life best friend. The other time, that one out of ten I’m able to cry it out while my husband comforts me and once I’m done crying, I’m extra grateful again. 

Again, this is by no means an advice post. Ok, kinda. But we’ve only been married for three months. Take this advice at your own risk. But just to recap, marriage should be fun. There’s a lot of pressure especially in faith communities of what it should look like to be a good wife but the bar should be, honor God, love and respect your spouse and make sure you’re thinking of them and also of you. I’ve got lots of thoughts on marriage but I’ll save that for later. Shoutout to my man for making every day special and putting up with all my antics. I love you. Three months down, forever to go.  

Any seasoned couples out there with advice for newlyweds?

Any newlyweds with advice?

Comment below!

Til next time, 

J

 

Photos by Maddison Fritz Photography

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