I was at my therapy session this week and my therapist asked me a question that made me think. She does that super often for the record, if you ask me it’s money well spent. I was explaining to her a complicated friend dynamic that I haven’t been able to let go. She asked me why I couldn’t let it go. I told her all of the ways that it would be complicated and mentioned all of the dynamics that would shift. I explained how I didn’t want anyone else to feel awkward or uncomfortable. She asked me if I was comfortable with things as they are. I told her I wasn’t, then she asked… drumroll please “Why does your level of comfort matter less to you than everyone else’s? Aren’t you worthy of relationships you feel safe in?” Blech. I grimaced and all this stuff resurfaced. I started crying, which I hate but it’s kinda my thing now.
We dug in a little bit more together and I’ve been able to unpack a bit on my own. While I don’t have a full answer to that question yet I’ve gotten closer. I realize that some of the ways that I choose to put other people above myself are important but others are because I don’t feel important. I think to myself so often, “Geez. I’m so lucky my friends stick around.”, but what if we’re both blessed to have each other?
I wanted to stop in today with a quick but very important reminder. You are worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of time, worthy of consideration. You are worthy of a text back *even if it takes a minute*, a call just to check in, a movie night. You are worthy of reciprocal relationships. People don’t choose to be your friend because you buy them things or stroke their egos. They choose you and should choose you simply because you are you. You’re unique, funny in your own way, and wonderful just the way you are. Comfort in relationships is the bare minimum. Feeling safe and valued in a relationship as you are is the bare minimum.
Look, people and things pop up in our lives that tell us that we don’t deserve or won’t ever have lasting friendships or relationships. They pop up as lies we tell ourselves, assumptions based on experiences, or lies the enemy feeds us. But more often than not those people and things don’t really know you and even if they had been your best friend for years they’re wrong. You deserve to be seen, and when you choose that, life may show you places where you aren’t as valued as you should be. People you love will stop looking like who you imagine them to be and will start to look like who they really are. When that happens you get to decide if you will choose you over familiarity. Will you see your worth?
The Bible tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God’s works are wonderful. (Psalm 139:14) In Psalm 139 David is saying, “Aye, God! you know me… and still love me!”- yes word for word, jkjk. The whole passage he is basically saying, God, you know me when I’m up and down, and right and really wrong and still your thoughts towards me are precious and there are so many precious thoughts that I can’t even count them!
God created you with the utmost worth and value. You are precious to God. Precious before you ever did anything. So, if it’s hard for you to find your own worth right now rest assured in knowing that God knows your entire heart- good, bad and ugly and still loves you without wavering. God still desires good things for you – and that includes community. I have so much I want to say about this but we’re going to leave it right here.
Beloved, you are worthy. You really, really are.
Have a wonderful week!
Til next time,